Fine-Tuned Families

The Story of "A Round To-It"

2010-10-01T10:08:00.003-05:00

One summer day many years ago, I dropped in for a brief visit with my dad where he was working as a supervisor in the substation department for a large utility company . As I glanced around his small office, I noticed a flat, round disk sitting on his desk. He saw me looking at it and asked, "Do you know what that is?" When I said I did not, he said, "This is "A Round To-It". We give it to our co-workers sometimes when we say we'll work on a task when we get "A Round To-It." It reminds us that sometimes we simply have to make time for the important things because that time might otherwise never come.

Do you have "A Round To-It" list? What important tasks are on it? I noticed myself adding another item to mine today. This story reminds all of us that, if it is important enough, we need to recognize when we are putting off something and just dig in and get it done.

What will you commit to doing today? Please share it with us in the comments below. :)

Getting More Out of Summer

2010-07-29T15:36:00.001-05:00

August is just around the corner. Don't panic! We've still got several more weeks before the kids return to school. How can we get more enjoyment from that time? Grab a cool snack and call a family brainstorming meeting. Invite everyone to share what else he or she wants to do this summer. Discuss and jot down the best ideas and post them somewhere visible. As you do each one, be sure to check them off and see what else remains.

At the end of that meeting, you might also mention a few things you'd love to get done. The kids have probably outgrown clothes and may be ready to let go of some toys. Purging and reorganizing those items will get their rooms in better shape. Are there other projects inside the house or out in the yard you'd like to do?

Kids like to have a say in planning family fun. They appreciate having everyone listen to their ideas. Kids also like to know what family projects are coming up. Having a few days notice gives any "reluctant" helpers time to adjust to the idea of contributing.

Overcoming Conflict at Family Gatherings

2010-07-15T10:27:00.008-05:00

Summer is well underway. We are headed out to visit our extended family. If you are like us, we tend to stay up late, visit a lot and eat way too much food!

During summer, we have opportunities for great get-togethers with the extended family. Swim parties, barbecues, family reunions, picnics - the possibilities are endless.

With multiple generations and all the different personalities, conflict may seem inevitable - but it isn't! I recently appeared as a guest on the Texas Conflict Radio show. Pattie Porter, the Texas Conflict Coach and I explored easy and effective ways to avoid conflict at the many extended family gatherings we will have this summer. Please listen to it, take notes if you like and contact me with any questions or comments.

Click on the link to the radio program web page and listen to the show. (If the link does not work, copy and paste it into your browser.)

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/texas-conflict-coach

Summer Vacations Rock!

2010-06-29T16:24:00.000-05:00

I hope your summer is off to a great start. We just returned from a wonderful family vacation in Galveston, Texas. This was definitely low-key and just what my family needed to restore ourselves and reconnect. This past school year was soooo busy with three teens in three different schools and involved in various activities.

We tried something new this year. My family traded houses with one of my husband's brothers and his wife. They spent time traveling in the beautiful Hill Country area of Texas. We got to enjoy time at the beach, fishing and just hanging out.

We also enjoyed the added advantage of a low-cost vacation away from home. Before leaving, we each made sure to thoroughly clean and straighten our homes. Each family also stocked the house with basic food and other staples. We exchanged keys and emergency contact numbers. And then we just relaxed and enjoyed the vacation!

Do you have a friend or family member who might like to trade houses? Your family could renew, reconnect AND enjoy an easy, low cost vacation.

Yes, Our Kids Do Grow Up!

2010-06-29T16:09:00.001-05:00

We've had a wonderful celebration two weeks ago - my oldest son, Jeffrey, graduated from high school! My father and sisters joined my family of five for the graduation ceremony and days of celebrating and visiting.

We are very proud of the fine young man Jeffrey has become. Jeffrey has a kind heart, a great sense of humor and is very smart. He is heading off to Blinn College for a year or two and then finishing up at Texas A&M University. He has all the internal drive and skills necessary to succeed in life and I'm sure he will.

I want to encourage you as a parent that we can all still raise awesome kids. Yes, things can get bumpy along the way. Know that honing your parenting skills and learning how to parent each child where he or she is can yield the best of results. Believe me, NOW is the time to learn how to help your child succeed in life, so get started and good luck!

Taking Time to Reconnect and Renew

2010-05-06T15:00:00.001-05:00

This past weekend, John and I enjoyed a wonderful overnight trip to the nearby Hill Country town of Fredricksburg. The wildflowers were in full bloom and the recent rains have transformed the gently rolling countryside. We visited a local winery and enjoyed listening to the "Almost Patsy Cline Band", taking an occasional spin on the outside dance floor. After dining at a local restaurant, we enjoyed a night in a quaint little cabin overlooking a beautiful valley. This trip had it all – a peaceful setting to reconnect, time away from our obligations, short travel times, low costs, and just the right mix of enjoyable activities.

Taking time to reconnect as a couple or for self-care if one is single is of paramount importance in the midst of tending our numerous roles as parent, spouse, worker and volunteer. Best-selling author and psychologist John Rosemond says that one of the best gifts we can give our children is to focus on keeping our marriages strong. In the case of a single parent raising his or her children, the best gift the parent can give is to take good care of himself or herself. While this may be challenging to pull off, time spent away can help the single parent or the couple to relax and renew. In either case, the parents return to their families better able to offer the love, patience and attention kids need to grow and thrive.

Share a comment: What do you do to reconnect and renew?

Calming the Chaos in Your House

2010-04-21T16:37:00.001-05:00

Does the atmosphere in your house sometimes feel like a scene from a reality show? Are the kids fighting, the television blaring, toys everywhere and dinner is late - with you about to blow your stack – again?

My hubby and I were blessed and challenged by having three kids in four years! Just about every time we went out in public when they were young, strangers would look at us sympathetically and say, "You sure have your hands full!"

The evening hours were particularly challenging when they were young, but we discovered the kids settled down beautifully with a bedtime routine and special evening rituals. The evening usually went something like this – supper, play time, bath, brush teeth, quick prayers, potty break, and then lots of cuddles and reading in bed. Once we got the bath started, it was usually smooth sailing because the kids knew what came next and looked forward to it.

There are several benefits to a good routine. As I've mentioned in previous articles, most kids resist a change in activity. Routines can be familiar and comforting and ease your family from one task to the next. Because the kiddos are familiar with the routine, they won't argue with you as much – what happens just happens. For parents, it is almost like putting the household on auto-pilot and giving your nerves a break.

Routines do need to be flexible in special cases like illness or an evening outing. Know, too, that routines will change as your kids mature; they'll outgrow the desire for some of these routines or start their own rituals. Because of the reading ritual we established when they were young, my teens are avid readers and often read when heading off to bed.

Post a comment and share: Where can routines and rituals help you in your home?

Tips for Organizing Your Student

2009-09-30T20:53:00.000-05:00

Helping your child develop good organizational skills can maximize his or her success in school and better equip your student for the middle and high school years. When my youngest was in fourth grade, he had an issue with losing paperwork and missing due dates on assignments. While he was and is a bright young man, he found this frustrating and it impacted his school performance and self-esteem. Here are a few tips we used that can help your student better track and complete assignments, study for tests and accomplish projects at school and home:

Form Good Habits - Once everyone has relaxed after school, help your student get the ball rolling by reviewing the day and creating a plan for what needs to be done.
* Check the Planner and Communications Folder – Sit down with your young student and discuss what school work needs doing for the evening. His or her planner and any communications folders contain assignments and important notes and letters from the teachers. If he or she is not using the planner regularly, encourage its use and discuss how it can help in future years when the assignments will be more frequent and challenging.
* Plan the Evening Together – If age-appropriate, work together to set daily and weekly goals for getting the work done, taking into account any family plans. This gives your student a sense of “ownership” for the plan, knowledge of what will happen each evening and a sense of pride when the work is done.

Ask Good Questions – When planning, studying or working on homework, ask your student great questions that will help him or her think of a solution to an issue and encourage independent thinking. If, for example, your student tends to misplace completed assignments, try asking, “What one or two places can you think of for safely keeping this assignment?” In this case, your student might suggest a folder, binder or backpack.

Design a Few Simple Rules – Watch the flow of a typical evening to identify “bumpy” areas that could benefit from a rule. When a few rules are in place and consistently enforced, you and your child will find the evenings less stressful. Examples of good rules might be “Your homework isn’t finished until it is loaded in the backpack" and “Homework gets done before the electronics goes on”.

Designate an area for each student’s school items - A cubby with a basket could hold books, graded papers, a backpack and any other school-related items. Everything can go back in the cubby at the end of the homework period. Now your student knows right where to look to find his or her school things the next morning!

These tips can help in smoothing the flow of weekday evenings. As your student grows, encourage him or her to do more of this independently. In my household, my middle and high school sons apply most of these ideas with great success. Good task management skills are vital to any busy person and will help your child not only in the growing up years but throughout his or her adult life.

Coming up for air

2009-09-02T16:08:00.002-05:00

We've just finished getting my kiddos back in school. The summer was fast and wonderful and we wished somehow we could add another couple of weeks to it.

The first week of school went well. My kids are older now, so they can take the lead on gathering school supplies (once I've bought them) and loading them into binders and backpacks. Thankfully, each day of that important first week, each of my sons had something funny or positive to share. We wrapped up the week as a family with a special meal and had fun playing board games. Watching for opportunities to mark the start and end of events - like the end of a great summer or the successful start of a new year - brings us closer as a family and helps us celebrate life.

Video to make your day

2009-08-03T15:06:00.003-05:00

This video just made my day. It's amazing what people can now do with video graphics.

Enjoy!

Thinking “Outside the Box”

2009-07-07T15:58:00.000-05:00

by Life Coach Janet Bonnin
Fine-Tuned Families

When he was a toddler, one of my nephews came up with a unique solution to a perceived problem. His kitten seemed in need of some milk one day. My nephew opened the refrigerator and peered up at the milk carton which was well out of reach on the top shelf. Pausing a moment to think, he decided since the milk couldn’t come to the cat, then the cat should go to the milk. He promptly picked the kitten up, placed it in the refrigerator and closed the door, thinking the kitten could help himself to the milk. Mom later entered the kitchen and heard a racket coming from the refrigerator. When she opened the door, the kitten screamed out, leaving behind cat hair in everything imaginable.

While that solution may not have achieved the desired result, this was a unique way to address a problem. We can learn to think outside the box by taking a moment to mentally run through several options before making a difficult decision. For example, when we feel time constrains us from volunteering for a beloved charity, we might instead offer to serve as a volunteer recruiter prior to the event, give a cash donation, or resolve to help the next time we are needed.

Seek out creative solutions to your next challenge! You may find the perfect solution is just a moment’s thought away.

SHARE WITH US:
What are some creative ways you've thought "outside the box"?

Are We Having Fun Yet?

2009-07-07T15:38:00.000-05:00

By Life Coach Janet Bonnin
Fine-Tuned Families

Pool parties, trips to the zoo, playing in the sprinkler, having friends over - the summer is in full swing! But the summer can fly by. In the blink of an eye, school will be here. How can you make sure everyone has done some favorite things before summer slips by? Have the family dream up a Summer Fun List! It is fun and easy to do.

Pre-planning: To build anticipation, tell every family member to think of some activities he or she would love to do and come ready to share. Have a family meeting: Fix some favorite snacks, grab some comfortable seats and start visiting.

Brainstorm away: Start the brainstorming! Have someone capture the ideas on paper as they come. Everyone gets to share! Be sure to post the list where all can see it and mark the items as you do them. This helps you keep the fun coming and reminds the kids of the great things they are doing.

Add or improve habits: While everyone is gathered, this is also a great time to mention a few new habits for each kid to work on. Short and simple is best. Last year, for example, I set four goals for my older sons – regular exercise, eat more fruits and veggies, use your good manners, and express gratitude. With the summer weeks to work on it, we had some better habits to take back to school!

Summer fun can be really simple. My sons usually want a fair amount of time to hang out, play games, read, and play electronics. They also enjoy inviting friends over and swimming in the lake near our house. This unstructured time is important for kids to help them relax from the rigors of the school year and to discover and pursue new interests and hobbies.

Along with the simpler pleasures, we love taking day trips into San Antonio. When the boys were younger, we visited the zoo and the children's museum. As they grew, we graduated to trips to the movies, art, history and science museums, local theme parks and other attractions.

Add in a family vacation or two, a camp or two, and you've got the recipe for a great summer! Don’t worry about having too much on your list! Your Summer Fun List may be extensive. Rotate through everyone's favorite ideas to keep anyone from feeling left out. It's okay to end the summer with items still on the list. That leaves ideas for the months ahead.

Our family started the tradition of the Summer Fun List several years ago. The boys look forward to planning the summer together. We've enjoyed great family fun every year since. Why not start your tradition today!

Janet Bonnin is a life coach, Industrial Engineer and mother of three. She works with busy parents to strengthen family teamwork, parent more effectively, de-stress, and get more done with less effort at work and at home.